Akatsuki and The Abominable Snowman Chronicles
by Aaron The Night Watcher
Summary: An Abominable Snowman terrorizes Akatsuki. Please R&R.


Title : Akatsuki and The Abominable Snowman!

Chapter 1 : What? An Abominable Snowman ?

Akatsuki Hideout!

Outside!

An orange masked man was on his way in to the hideout. It was snowing outside this evening. The masked man walked up to the door and opened it. He then stated,

" Alright. Now we can…," Madara then trailed off of what he was saying and looked to his left as a giant hand was coming towards him. He then stated, " HOLY..-," Before he could finish what he was saying the giant hand with thick white fur and grey hands wrapped it's fingers around his body and pulled him up in to the sky.

Akatsuki Hideout!

Inside!

Itachi, Kisame, Pain, Tobi, Zetsu, Konan, Deidra, Sasori, Hidan and Kakuzu were sitting around the meeting table. Pain sighed and looked at his watch. He then stated,

" It's 9:30. Madara said he'd be here by 9:31...so we've got a minute to waste. What do you want to do?." Konan raised her hand in the air. Pain then stated, " Yes…Konan?." Konan then thought for a moment and replied,

" We could do this." Pein looked up and, Konan tossed a cherry pie in to the air. Pein opened his eyes wide and then stated,

" What the-," The pie smacked him in the face and then fell to the ground. Konan then stated,

" Sorry….I thought you were going to catch it." Pein then wiped the cherry pie crust off of his face and licked his hand. He then stated,

" You know…Konan. Since you threw the pie at me…you can start by telling everybody your utter failure this morning." Konan stood up as the clock turned to, 9:31. She then walked over to the podium and was about to say something when she looked at the cave entrance. Konan then opened her eyes wide and yelled,

" HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP!." All of a sudden they heard a scream coming from the snowman and, Pein looked up to see, Madara Uchiah in the snowman's grip. Pein then started laughing at, Madara. Tobi then walked in to the cave and asked,

" Hey everybody what's going on?." Tobi walked past the abominable snowman and then took his seat next to, Madara's. Pein stopped laughing and looked at, Tobi. Tobi then asked, " What?." Pein then looked up at, Madara and asked,

" Do you have any ideas on how we could get, Madara down from that…," Pein paused for a moment and then asked, " Kisame, what is that thing?." Kisame then flipped him the bird and Pein stated, " Fine…no more fish food for you." Kisame then grumbled,

" Alright. We could try tickling it's feet." Pein then snapped his fingers and stated,

" I've got it. Does anyone have a blow torch?." Itachi then replied,

" I've got one in my room at, Konoha." Pein looked at, Itachi and stated,

" Well that's good. Now can you tell me how that's going to help the situation we're in right here….RIGHT NOW!." Itachi looked down and replied,

" No I can't….but hey at least it was an idea." All of a sudden, Tobi pushed, Itachi on to the ground and stated,

" You're it." Itachi stood up and yelled,

" TOBI! I thought I told you no more stupid games in the cave." Kisame then looked up at, Madara and opened his eyes wide and then stated,

" What the heck is he doing to your hair." Madara opened his eyes wide and then yelled,

" PUT ME DOWN!." The Abominable Snowman let got of, Madara. Madara then stated, " Yes…he let go of me. I can finally….." Madara then looked down and fell crashing in to the ground. He then stood up and stated,

" Pein….kill that thing." Pein then stated,

" Well I-," All of a sudden the hand wrapped around, Pein's body and picked him up. The Snowman then bit his head off and tossed, Pein's torso in front of, Tobi. Tobi looked down at his torso and then looked up at, Madara. Madara then yelled,

" FUCK!." Madara then smiled " Everybody run like hell." All the remaining members ran towards the entrance. The snowman then got in front of the entrance and they stopped. Madara then stated, " In my office." The members then ran towards, Madara's office doors. Before they got there, The Snowman put his hand in front of the door. They all stopped and, Madara stated, " Uh….shit." Then all of a sudden, The Abominable Snowman let out the biggest fart they had ever heard. Tobi then took a whiff and stated,

" Oh my god." Madara passed out from the smell and all of the other members were out as well. Tobi looked around and plugged his nose. After about ten minutes of being passed out they all awoke to find, Tobi had tied up the Snowman. Tobi looked at everyone and asked, " Are you all alright?." Madara then stated,

" Yeah we're fine." Konan looked at, Madara and asked,

" Sir…what are we going to do about, Pein?." Madara looked at her for a moment and then stated,

" Forget about, Pein. What are we going to do about the damned, Snowman that killed Pein?. That's what you should be working on." Konan looked at, Madara and glared daggers at him. Madara opened his eyes wide with fear. Konan then stated,

" He was my partner…and you want me to just forget about him." Madara then replied,

" Yes…I do." Konan thought about that for a moment and stated,

" Okay then." She then smiled like nothing happened. Madara sighed and looked up at the snowman creature that bit off, Pein's head and had just passed it's gas a few moment's before. Madara thought for a little while and then looked over at, Itachi. Itachi then asked,

" Why are you staring at me?." Madara replied,

" Come up with a plan to get rid of that snowman before it bites all of our heads off. I can't think up anything." Itachi looked up at the snowman for a second and then stated,

" I've got an idea." Madara's interest peaked up and he asked,

" Really? What is it?." Itachi smiled and replied,

" My idea is…..to let, Kisame come up with an idea. What do you think?." Madara slapped his hand over his eyes and he then stated,

" I'm surrounded by morons." Madara then looked up to see, Tobi with a spoon. Tobi took the spoon and proceeded to scoop out, Pein's inside's. Madara blinked his eye's and stared at him again. He then yelled,

" TOBI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?." Tobi looked up at, Madara and then pulled out a jar. He then opened the jar and dumped, Pein's inside's in to a jar. He then closed up the jar and set it in the middle of the table. Pein looked at, Madara and stated,

" That's messed up." Madara looked at, Pein and replied,

" Well actually no it's not. It's no different than if he'd been cremated…but the only problem is. Normally Uchiha's don't keep remains." Tobi then tossed, Pein's remains to the side, the jar smashed on the wall and the Akatsuki members grimaced as they splattered all over it. Madara looked at him for a moment and yelled, " TOBI YOU'RE GROUNDED!." Tobi looked up at him and then ran off in to another room. Madara then stated, " Maybe I was a bit harsh." Madara sighed and looked up to see, Konan staring at the snowman. Konan then stated,

" He's so dreamy." Madara's sharingan twitched and he stated,

" Konan…what did I tell you about fraternizing with the new members…well I guess he's not a member but still." Konan then stated,

" You're mean." Konan then ran off into another room crying. Zetsu smiled and stated,

" I've got a plan…we could us the- WHOOP!." The Abominable Snowman lifted, Zetsu in to the air and Madara pulled out a kunai and yelled,

" PUT HIM DOWN NOW!." The Abominable Snowman then tried to smash him but his hand went right through him and hit the ground. Madara laughed and stated, " Ha…you can't touch me…you can't hit me….you can't- ACK!." Madara then stated in a almost breathless voice, " He's crushing my SPINE!, I CAN'T BREATHE!." Then The Abominable Snowman threw him to the side and he smashed in to a wall. Konan then ran over to him and asked,

" Are you alright?." Madara replied,

" No. No...I think I'm paralyzed. I'm pretty sure he shattered my spine." Konan then grabbed a hold of his shoulder and started to lift him up and all of a sudden there was popping sound. " No. No. No…don't do anything. You'll warp it." Madara thought for a moment. " I've got it. You could-" Suddenly The Abominable Snowman smashed, Madara with it's fist. Konan looked down at their leader and stated,

" Fuck this. I'm getting the hell out of here." Konan then started to run towards the entrance and The Abominable Snowman grabbed her. " Hey damn it. Let me go." The Snowman lifted her up in to the air and then sniffed her hair. It then stated,

" Hair smell pretty." Konan eyes bugged out of her skull and she yelled,

" HELP!." Zetsu looked up at the Snowman and stated,

" Hey you. You put her-" The Abominable Snowman stomped on him. Both of Zetsu's halves stood up and they looked around for a moment. His Black Half stated,

" _That was a close one. See I told you I'm the smart half." _Black and White Zetsu went back together._ " HA!." _The Abominable Snowman then kicked Zetsu in to the wall_. " This…isn't….working." _

End of Chapter 1!


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